pooptastic

Lets start with this, I have a dog, Harpo, he is a hound dog, cute as can be, big, floppy ears, has the occasional drool, big soulful brown eyes, loves to sit next to you(well, on you if he can), sweet, protective of my family. Sounds great right? Lets just say, if he did not have all those fine qualities, he would not live at this address anymore.
Let me fill you in on todays activity. Actually, I need to take you back two days. On wednesday, I got up early to bake brownies, we were headed to a friends house later that day to go swimming and hang out. I thought it would be nice to bring brownies since they were making us lunch. So I made the brownies, cleaned the kitchen, then went to sit down at the computer. All the while, Harpo is snoozing upstairs and had not made an appearance yet that morning. When they were done, I pulled them from the oven, put them on the stove top to cool and left it at that. About 30 minutes later when I went back into the kitchen, I found that he had eaten half the pan. He knew he was wrong and immediately ran to his kennel. I figured he might get sick, but saw no ill effects from his counter surfing ways(darn it). That was until today. For some reason, I did not take him out this morning as I usually do, and I did not even see him till noon when I found him cowering by the couch, I thought it was odd, but did not do anything about it, I said lets go outside, he runs to his kennel. Ok, he hates to go out the back door and only likes going out the front(spoiled rotten by my husband, but I will tell you that later). So I give in and open the front door and call for him, he comes tearing out of the kitchen, through the dining room into the living room, so fast in fact that he wipes out on the hard wood floors. I let him out, he sniffs all the usuall spots then crouches to pee. Then he trots down to the sidewalk to he can sniff all the plants down front, he starts his way back up the walkway when he suddenly starts to look at his rear then starts turning in circles to look at it. All of a sudden, his poop is shooting straight out his rear, literally straight out the back. He is so freaked out by this that he runs all the way up the walk, onto the porch, trying to get back inside. Needless to say, he squirted all the way. So now I am yelling at the dog to get off the porch, but he will not listen, and instead goes further onto the porch when the chairs are, by now I am freaking out, not because my dog is still squirting poop out his rear, but because when have indoor/outdoor carpet on the front porch, plus wicker furniture with cushions, and he wont stand still for me to get him(not that I tried that hard, who wants to grab a dog with poop squirting out his rear?) He finally stops and cowers in the corner of the porch, while I fume about how to clean the crap up. I took to hosing off the porch, then realizing it was not really washing away, so I got the squeege from the basement, sprayed it with antibacterial spray and tried to just push it all off the porch. I finally got him to the backyard, he has been there ever since. I have left a message on my husbands cell phone, as nice as can be, telling him that when he gets home from his back breaking 10 hour day, he has to give the dog a bath, because he has poop all over the back of him. What a great way to end the day.